I'm sick. For the past year or so, I don't get sick like a normal person. I get a cold and my throat hurts, my ears feel like they are going to explode, my back hurts, and I am exhausted. But, I don't cough, my nose doesn't run, my eyes don't water ... nothing visible. You can't look at me and tell that I'm sick. In fact, I have to remind Jeremy a thousand times a day that I'm sick. Not that this grants me any more sympathy - I just like to remind him.
On one hand, this internally sickness is a good thing. My nose isn't red. People don't shy away from my hacking cough. I'm not spending money on Puff's Plus.
On the other hand, this really stinks. I don't know what medicine you take for this. And, honestly, the no sympathy thing really gets to me. People still expect you to function at 100% and I'm just not there.
I'm not letting this invisible cold get me down though. I still worked out with my Wii Fit for 35 minutes last night. I unlocked boxing and had a blast playing that. I still got up at 5 this morning and walked for 30 minutes. I'm not going to fall off the exercise wagon this early.
I also lost another pound yesterday. I'm down 12 pounds in 12 days. I even cheated a little yesterday and ate some of Scarlett's dinner. I have got to stop doing that! I guess I have those starving kids in Africa seared into my brain and I can't seem to throw away food. I guess the smart thing to do would be to make our portions smaller, huh?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Me
So, I decided to start a blog. I have been thinking about it for a while. My cousin Annie has really inspired me. I feel like I have gotten to know her better after reading her blog for the past year than I have through 20-odd year family get-togethers.
I have a lot going on in my life right now. I always have a lot going on in my life. I hope this blog will help me learn to slow down and savor life. I don't want to wake up 30 years from now and realize that my life has vanished in a series of to-do lists.
Today, I have three big things weighing on my mind.
1. I'm fat. There, I said it. I have been one of those annoying people who could eat whatever they wanted, never exercise, and never gain a pound for most of my life. I was super skinny all the way through college. Something about getting married (or maybe it was turning 30) changed all that for me. Two weeks ago, I hit an all time high. I weighed 59 pounds more than my driver's license said I did (since I haven't changed my weight on there since I was 15). My weight was about to cross into the next "decade". I had enough. I joined a weight loss program.
I have done Weight Watchers before and it worked but I needed more structure this time around. I needed more drastic results, too. So, I joined Bariatrics of Alabama. I think this diet is called Medifast at a lot of other places. It's very restrictive but it's really working for me. The food is good, although not at all exciting. In the past 11 days, I have lost 11 pounds. Today was the first day that someone noticed I have lost weight. That person knew I was on the diet, so it only counts a little, but it's better than nothing.
I started exercising, too. I don't want to diet for the rest of my life so I need to start enjoying exercise and make it part of my daily routine. I bought a Wii Fit and it's fun, but I don't think I'm getting a good weight loss exercise from it. Sunday, Scarlett and I went on a walk around a lake close to home. Monday, Scarlett and I went on a walk around a different lake. That's good exercise but I have to drive to get there. Then I have to stop to show Scarlett different sights and I have to fight to keep her in the stroller so I can walk fast enough. This is not a good long term plan.
Today, I got up at 5:00 and walked on my treadmill. We had a huge garage sale a couple of weekends ago. It cleaned out enough of the garage that I was able to set up my own workout room. It's fabulous! I have my own space all to myself where I can do something good for me. I walked for 30 minutes and covered 2 miles. I watched 30 minutes of the news and feel more informed today that normal. This works for me. I enjoyed it. I feel like a better version of myself for doing it. I think (hope) I can stick to this schedule Monday - Friday and then spend the weekends on nature walks with the kids.
2. Scarlett had to move to a new classroom. It's past time. They are supposed to move up when they turn two. Scarlett is two years two months two weeks and one day old today. I'm always nervous when she changes teachers but this one had me especially worried. It's not just daycare anymore. They now have lesson plans and more structure. That's fine but it somehow equates to less hugs and less friendly teachers. No sippie cups, no lovies, potty training is emphasized, thumb sucking is discouraged, you must sit in your chair.... As a dirty hippie momma, this does not fit with how I want to raise her. She's two, not ten. Let her be a toddler a little longer before you force her to grow up. There's enough time for that later on.
But, overall I love the daycare. I love the location. I love the director & assistant director. I love the leniency. I love that everyone knows Scarlett. Is this just an adjustment phase that we need to work through or is this a deal breaker and I need to find a new daycare? I go back and forth a thousand times a day. I don't know what to do.
3. We're fighting for custody of Skyler. I won't say too much about that on here. I don't want it to come back and bite me in the butt in court. But, it's weighing on me. I know what we are doing is the best thing for Skyler in the long run. I'm afraid of what his mom's actions are doing to him in the meantime though. I don't know how best to protect him. I don't know what the right thing is to do in a lot of situations lately. I want to be the same, strong, stable parent that I have always been. But, I don't want my work to cover up his mom's poor parenting. I want to protect him and shelter him but I think I have to let him experience some of the fall out. It really stinks that I have to consider legal ramifications of my parenting choices.
I have a lot going on in my life right now. I always have a lot going on in my life. I hope this blog will help me learn to slow down and savor life. I don't want to wake up 30 years from now and realize that my life has vanished in a series of to-do lists.
Today, I have three big things weighing on my mind.
1. I'm fat. There, I said it. I have been one of those annoying people who could eat whatever they wanted, never exercise, and never gain a pound for most of my life. I was super skinny all the way through college. Something about getting married (or maybe it was turning 30) changed all that for me. Two weeks ago, I hit an all time high. I weighed 59 pounds more than my driver's license said I did (since I haven't changed my weight on there since I was 15). My weight was about to cross into the next "decade". I had enough. I joined a weight loss program.
I have done Weight Watchers before and it worked but I needed more structure this time around. I needed more drastic results, too. So, I joined Bariatrics of Alabama. I think this diet is called Medifast at a lot of other places. It's very restrictive but it's really working for me. The food is good, although not at all exciting. In the past 11 days, I have lost 11 pounds. Today was the first day that someone noticed I have lost weight. That person knew I was on the diet, so it only counts a little, but it's better than nothing.
I started exercising, too. I don't want to diet for the rest of my life so I need to start enjoying exercise and make it part of my daily routine. I bought a Wii Fit and it's fun, but I don't think I'm getting a good weight loss exercise from it. Sunday, Scarlett and I went on a walk around a lake close to home. Monday, Scarlett and I went on a walk around a different lake. That's good exercise but I have to drive to get there. Then I have to stop to show Scarlett different sights and I have to fight to keep her in the stroller so I can walk fast enough. This is not a good long term plan.
Today, I got up at 5:00 and walked on my treadmill. We had a huge garage sale a couple of weekends ago. It cleaned out enough of the garage that I was able to set up my own workout room. It's fabulous! I have my own space all to myself where I can do something good for me. I walked for 30 minutes and covered 2 miles. I watched 30 minutes of the news and feel more informed today that normal. This works for me. I enjoyed it. I feel like a better version of myself for doing it. I think (hope) I can stick to this schedule Monday - Friday and then spend the weekends on nature walks with the kids.
2. Scarlett had to move to a new classroom. It's past time. They are supposed to move up when they turn two. Scarlett is two years two months two weeks and one day old today. I'm always nervous when she changes teachers but this one had me especially worried. It's not just daycare anymore. They now have lesson plans and more structure. That's fine but it somehow equates to less hugs and less friendly teachers. No sippie cups, no lovies, potty training is emphasized, thumb sucking is discouraged, you must sit in your chair.... As a dirty hippie momma, this does not fit with how I want to raise her. She's two, not ten. Let her be a toddler a little longer before you force her to grow up. There's enough time for that later on.
But, overall I love the daycare. I love the location. I love the director & assistant director. I love the leniency. I love that everyone knows Scarlett. Is this just an adjustment phase that we need to work through or is this a deal breaker and I need to find a new daycare? I go back and forth a thousand times a day. I don't know what to do.
3. We're fighting for custody of Skyler. I won't say too much about that on here. I don't want it to come back and bite me in the butt in court. But, it's weighing on me. I know what we are doing is the best thing for Skyler in the long run. I'm afraid of what his mom's actions are doing to him in the meantime though. I don't know how best to protect him. I don't know what the right thing is to do in a lot of situations lately. I want to be the same, strong, stable parent that I have always been. But, I don't want my work to cover up his mom's poor parenting. I want to protect him and shelter him but I think I have to let him experience some of the fall out. It really stinks that I have to consider legal ramifications of my parenting choices.
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